


Grief

by Chexmixup



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode
Genre: Angst with uncertain resolve, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Little to no comfort, Multi, not romantic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 07:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7881958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chexmixup/pseuds/Chexmixup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The grieving process as it changes through the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a scary world out there, and they’ve said goodbye so many times that maybe it takes the sting from it. At least the three would like to think there isn’t a sting as they prepare for their first real funeral.

 

It’s silent; They’ve snuck out in the dead of night hoping to use the darkness to hide their presence. They reach the corner of the cemetery with an unused patch of dirt and Kotoko sets their friend down.

 

The three stood unsure before the actress let out a sob and Jataro began digging the grave.

 

“We’re kids!” She cried and it echoed relentlessly through the streets. Nagisa took it upon himself to comfort her, pulling her to his chest as she sobbed. “We aren’t supposed to be having funerals! We-We-!” She cuts herself off to sob into his shoulder, and he can only dumbly try and comfort her as he hopes her cries won’t draw attention.

 

The grave is dug, and the artist waits for Kotoko to pull herself together before he begins the burial process. This isn’t the first funeral they’d had for the athlete, but this is the first time they’d have a body to accompany it. After everything they’d been through together, they felt almost as if they were losing a piece of themselves.

 

“He’s not coming back,” The blond said in disbelief. As if he hadn’t spent his time hunting adults. As if he hadn’t seen, even caused death with his own hands. “He isn’t coming back even if we try our hardest and wish for it.”

 

Nagisa scowls as Kotoko is in hysterics once more, but it can’t last and he can only watch as Jataro sets up a shrine he’d made, similar to the one on the airship. There are tears on his cheeks, and certainly tears on Jataro’s as well as they pull Kotoko back to the school.

 

“I promise we’ll visit,” Jataro calls as he rubs at his eyes, and his voice is loud but quakes slightly.

 

___

 

They sit in silence, on separate sides of the room. It’s been a week since everything calmed down, but the damage done was irreparable.

 

“He wouldn’t want this,” Jataro mumbles as he traces circles on stained paper.

 

“Well he isn’t here, is he?!” Kotoko snapped and Nagisa can see the other wince. It’d been like this since they came back from the funeral.

 

Silence spreads through the room once again, and the social studies prodigy sighs. “Regardless of what  _ he _ would’ve wanted, we can’t continue like this. At each other’s throats, ignoring each other and the obvious…” He glances between the two before looking at the blood stained carpet and sighing once more. “Masaru is gone, but if we aren’t together, we can’t move on.”

 

The two stare at him before staring at each other, and it’s hesitant but the distance between the three close. They settle near the window, sitting on the ground beside each other. Silence is about to set in when Kotoko whimpers, and Jataro’s head falls on her shoulder.

 

“I miss him,” She murmurs, gripping the other two’s hands. It’s the first time those words have been spoken aloud, and the kids stare at the wall in front of them as the silence sets in once more. Somehow, hearing it ring through the room brings the kids ease. As if their fears and sorrows were validated by the other’s. It was their first step in moving forward together.

 

___

Years pass before they ever need to perform another funeral. It’d quieted down, thanks to the Future Foundation, but there was still havoc. Chaos and despair wouldn’t die overnight.

 

They learned this the hard way as the remaining two buried the artist. He was beside Masaru, and he was allotted a longer service now that they didn’t fear attack. Kotoko isn’t hysterical this time, but the sorrow is still there. Now, it’s an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach, the silence ringing through her ears.

 

Her and Nagisa stand hand in hand as they stare down at grave, which is bare compared to the athlete’s. They didn’t have the talent to decorate it the way he’d decorated the other’s.

 

“At least he can rest easy now,” She murmurs but it isn’t enough to stop their tears. Neither try to wipe them, more will fall in their place.

 

“Maybe he’s happy there…” Nagisa offers but Kotoko just shakes her head.

 

“He was happy here,” She counters quickly, and Nagisa can’t argue.

 

Maybe it hurts more than when Masaru had died. They’d spent so much time together, they’d finally been happy and reached a maintainable peace. When Masaru died, they were prepared for tragedy. But this… How could they expect death when they’d been able to live easily for so long.

 

They stand in silence, each lost in thought for another ten, maybe twenty minutes before they head back to their current residence. This time, there isn’t a distance between the two as they huddle together under comfortable blankets.

 

____

This despair settles differently from what they’d felt after Masaru died. They didn’t isolate themselves, but rather continued on with their daily life. It was in the way that Nagisa still set the table for him, even months after he was gone. Kotoko kept his drawings framed on the walls, so they wouldn’t forget him like they’d forgotten the others who’d died. And while the pain came from remembering, it was the burden they beared.

 

They began to visit the graves regularly and over time the sting went away. It was like visiting an old friend, not just empty plaques and cold dirt. Through time they learn to see the cemetery as just another outing.

 

They grew up in this time, as well. Of course they had, but that meant learning to overcome their fears of adults. That meant having to look each other in the face, stare in the mirror, and learn that maybe if they as adults weren’t harmful, then there might be other adults out there like them. It meant planning a real future, because they wouldn’t throw theirs away after struggling for so long to survive. Growing up was hard, and especially terrifying for they who’d spent so many years fearing what they were becoming. But they would overcome this like they’d overcome everything thus far. Hand in hand, with their heads held high towards the future.

 

___

The final funeral Kotoko sees is Nagisa’s. It’s the hardest still, because her only companion for so many years had finally moved on. She should’ve known better, he wasn’t in the best of health. She blamed those years he pushed his body past it’s limits, and his parents for instilling such behaviors into him. But it didn’t matter whom she cursed for his passing, he was still gone and she was without her closest friend.

 

She stood over his grave, which was even sloppier than Jataro’s. Nagisa had taken care of the last one and she’d offered minimal help, but now that she was alone she had to come to the stark reality that she wasn’t suited for this. But she tried her best, she knew Nagisa would be proud that she’d put her heart into this.

 

She smiled down at the concrete slab with his name written sloppily on it. Her tears stained her cheeks, and she could even see a few of the drops resting on the cold stone. “Say hi to them for me, okay?” She’s rubbing her face and letting out a laugh but it rings hollow even in her own ears. “I know you really missed them, and now you guys are reunited…” The more she talks, the faster her tears fall and soon she can’t see the grave anymore. She decides to kneel beside it instead, and gives a second for her sobs to subside before she continues speaking. Once again, the shaking smile is on her face. It’s not that she’s happy he’s gone, but she’s glad he’s stopped suffering. She’s glad he can be reunited with their friends, finally at the peace he’s done more than enough to deserve.

 

“I’ll miss you so much,” She mumbles and places her hand on the freshly dug dirt. “Please be happy there, okay?” She pulls her knees to her chest, burying her face in them as she grabs fist fulls of dirt. “I know you will, but still… Sometimes if I don’t remind you, you don’t have fun.” And that’s all she’s able to manage because her tears become too much. She sits beside the grave long after her sobs subside and she’s run out of tears to shed. She sits there until the sun is setting. She sits until the moon is high and there’s a chill in the wind.

 

“I have to go home now,” She stands on uncertain legs, and looks down at the three graves before offering a sad smile. “Don’t you guys have too much fun without me.”

 

The journey home is a lonely one, and the wind that chills her bones only serves to remind her. She was the luckiest of the four, she would have to do them proud and move forward.

 

___

Moving forward is harder than ever but… But she doesn’t feel so alone sometimes. Sometimes it’s as if they’re beside her in her day to day life.

 

She contacted Komaru Naegi and the girl with the glasses. She’s decided that with the time she’s been given, she’ll do what they’d always talked about doing. She’s going to work to undo everything Monaca has to destroy Towa City. That meant partnering with the members of the Future Foundation. The only way she knew to do this was to talk to Komaru, and with the help of her brother and sometime spent in mandatory therapy and rehabilitation, she’s offered a position at the world’s center of hope. She isn’t sure how she feels about it, and constantly reminds herself as she looks at her coworkers that she too is an adult. She mainly sticks to Komaru’s side when she’s in the bigger building, Makoto is her go to when his sister isn’t around.

 

She’s decided that as an adult, she should dress and act like such. She socializes with the people around her and slowly their presence becomes more bearable. She loses her silly pigtails and headband for a professional ponytail and a bow. She thinks she looks more mature, but makes sure her ties and socks are always pink.

 

As she grows older, she does more to help the world. She was shocked at how devastated it was, and how little Towa City had been affected in comparison. Komaru assures her that she only needs to look after her birth town, along with the two, and that she should concern herself with that alone. But she still feels guilty, she’d had a hand in the destruction of the world’s only refuge. Maybe that’s what drives her to make such a difference, to help the citizens she’d wronged long ago.

 

So she works tirelessly, day in and day out, doing as much as she can to restore the city. By the time she’d grown weary, the town was seeing a rise unlike anything it’d seen since Monaca had come to power. It was seeing a shining hope, a second chance, as Kotoko saw her last.

 

Working in the polluted environment nonstop for many years had taken it’s toll on her, and maybe she didn’t live as long as she would’ve liked. But she’d done the best she could, and she was proud of herself even if no one else was.

 

It was in her final thoughts that she’d thought of them. Admittedly, she hadn’t had the time to think about them or visit nearly as much as she wished she had. She knew they didn’t mind.

 

“I can’t wait to see them again,” She sighed but an honest smile rested on her face. There were people at her bedside, but she didn’t glance over at them, even if it appeared like she was talking to them. “Do you think they’re waiting for me? No, I’m sure they are.” Her monologue was interrupted by a harsh cough from polluted lungs. She denied the water offered to her, and instead continued her speech while gasping for breath. “I wonder if they’re kids again… But it’d be sillier if they were all different ages…” She shakes her head once more and laughs. “I hope Nagisa told Jataro and Masaru that being an adult isn’t so bad… I’m sure he did… I’ve got so much more to tell them, I wonder if they saw…”

 

She couldn’t continue much longer as breathing became too hard. It was painful, but she’d lived through harder. Besides, maybe she was looking forward to it. Maybe she wasn’t scared when she’d closed her eyes for a final time. It was almost comparable to falling asleep, peaceful and still.

 

She’s jarred from her peaceful sleep-like state when someone calls her name. Not someone, but several familiar voices. A wide smile curls onto her face, but she keeps her eyes closed.

 

“Hey Kotoko, wake up already!”   
  


She’d really missed those voices.


	2. Growing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because growing up is hard when you aren't given the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have had this laying around for literal months (to be exact, I had this partially written when I posted this fic.) and I just never got around to finishing it? I guess I got really distracted with other projects, as I do often, but I wanted to ignore some of my personal works and do something really focused on development and almost introspective. So to follow grief and letting go, I figured growing up and accepting change was a good closure to that fic. It's beta'd for the most part, there are like nine pages that I really don't have the attention span to read through at the moment so instead i'll leave it as it is for now. I hope you enjoy, if you have any questions, suggestions, or i guess opinions just comment!! i love reading feedback, it makes my day to see people commenting on these things!! alright, i've said enough. enjoy!!

Masaru was the first to “wake up” in that strange place. The last thing he’d remembered was a searing pain in his chest, his head, his legs- everywhere! But now… He couldn’t feel any of that! How was that even possible? Had he been taken to a hospital? Is that where this was?

 

No, this new place was too bare to be a hospital. In fact, it felt empty with just him. Besides, he doubted Towa had any working hospitals left.

 

He sat up, looking around silently. It was emptier than he’d first imagined, and the loneliness was starting to set in. He hadn’t felt this alone since… Since his mishap in the arena. When he wandered the streets of Towa by himself, running in the shadows to hide from both adult and kid alike. It was similar to what he did in this new terrain. It scared him, he didn’t know where he was and he was alone in an unfamiliar place.

 

He felt like he was wandering hours, maybe days when he finally realized he must’ve died. This must be his afterlife. The passage of time was so unclear to him. It felt like an eternity of boredom, yet a passing second at the same time. Just as he’d been unsure of when he realized his own death, he was unsure when he heard voices.

 

“Well he isn’t here, is he?!” That sounded like Kotoko. His eyes widened at the familiar voice, and he dashed to where he thought he heard the voice. It was like a pond, which he found ridiculous. Why would the only feature of this place be a pond? That was so stupid he had to roll his eyes.

 

Finally peering into the pond, he was able to see what looked like Nagisa.

 

“Regardless of what  _ he _ would’ve wanted, we can’t continue like this. At each other’s throats, ignoring each other and the obvious… Masaru is gone, but if we aren’t together, we can’t move on.”

 

He felt pangs in his chest as he sat beside the pond, watching his friends huddle together. He certainly wasn’t crying, heros didn’t cry after all.

 

He’d decided to sit and watch his friends through this weird puddle. He wondered if they knew he was watching.

 

___

The more time he’d spent in the that creepy place, the more it began to take shape. Slowly, it began to resemble the Towa City before the revolution began. He would explore the town and watch his friends in equal parts, but he still found that he missed large pieces of time when he was away. Perhaps time moved faster down there than it did where he was. He’d be gone for what felt like a mere hour while he’d been off exploring, but upon his return he realized his friends looked a lot bigger than they had when he left. They looked similar to how old big sis Komaru and big sis Junko had. So they were teenagers.

 

He frowned when he saw, and wandered away. He felt a little betrayed; Back when he’d been alive, he was certain they were going to keep their promises of dying before they became scary demons. They were so close to demons, yet they continued on with their daily lives as if nothing was happening.

 

Looking at his friends made him a little uncomfortable, so he had to get away. He wandered a ways before hearing something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

“Hello? Is anyone else here?”

 

His head whipped around, and in the distance he spotted pale blond hair. “Hellooo?” A pause as the figure looked around. “I suppose I’m alone. Oh well.” The voice trailed off and began to shuffle out of his view.

 

Masaru began to panic, and jet towards the blond. “Jataro! Wait up!” He called and watched as he stumbled to a stop, turning around to face him.

 

“Masaru?” His violet eyes widened in shock, before confusion clouded his eyes. “But, you’re dead… How can that be?”

 

“You must’ve died too!” He exclaimed, placing a hand on his chest as he heaved.

 

The artist stared at him for a moment before he regained a calm composure, smiling warily. “I suppose that makes sense. Oh well.” He shrugged before looking around. “So this is the afterlife? It looks like Towa?” He began to wander ahead of Masaru, though the athlete stayed put. He watched the way the other carried himself, and even though he appeared as young as when he’d last seen him, something was different. He carried himself differently, almost with more confidence than he used to. His eyes held a sort of wisdom he’d previously never seen.

 

“Masaru?” He’d said and turned to look at the redhead, who quickly sprinted to catch up. “Why were you staring? Is it my hideous face?” After asking this, he laughed before glancing around and sighing. The athlete found himself wondering about those odd behaviors, but he was never one to keep to himself.

 

“You’re acting really weird,” He’d said bluntly, grabbing Jataro’s arm and stopping him. He blinked his polluted eyes before staring at him. “You’re really different! You’re acting so indifferent!” He frowned, crossing his arms.

 

“Well,” Jataro started, grabbing his forearm and rubbing it absentmindedly. “I guess I’m sorry about that,” He said before he began trekking forward. “It must’ve happened without me thinking about it.”

 

Masaru trailed behind, but he started to feel the similar pangs in his chest. His friend had changed so much and yet barely any time had passed. He wondered what could’ve possibly happened. As they ventured forward, Masaru lead him to where he’d set up residence. It was a large house, on the opposite side of town from his old home. He wanted to be as far from it as he could be, even if no one was there.

 

Jataro followed him, and once again began rambling about how strange their situation was, and how he figured there would be clouds and angels. It was a comfort to the redhead, who’d dared to say he missed it. It was something the Jataro he’d known would do. So he listened with a smile, as the realization that he was no longer alone flooded him.

 

___

Jataro told lots of stories in their spare time, of the things that he and the others had seen and done. Suddenly, the athlete became aware of everything he’d missed. They were so much closer than they had been before, which was hard to do. They actually tried to move forward through their problems, together. When things were bad, they talked them out. They didn’t isolate themselves. But beyond that, they’d matured. He could hear it in Jataro’s voice, the way he spoke and directed his words. He sounded much older than his youthful appearance gave away.

 

“We learned a lot from losing you,” He said sadly as they sat in their home.

 

Masaru rolled his eyes. “That happened like, a million years ago! And hey, I’m not gone here. So it doesn’t matter. Don’t be sad about it.”

 

The artist nodded and smiled the same wary smile he’d been giving since he’d first arrived. “Of course.” But before he could start on a new story to entertain Masaru, there was a calling. The voice froze Jataro in his seat, but the athlete bolted upright.

 

“Where… Am I?”

 

The two quickly set out to follow the voice, finding Nagisa sitting on the ground and rubbing his head. Once again, he appeared to be the same ages as the other two, making Masaru hope that perhaps he’d act normal.

 

They crowded around him with wide eyes, and the three stared at each other as Nagisa fell silent.

 

“You guys… You’re… If you’re… Am I…?” He couldn’t coherently finish his thought, but Jataro gave a placid smile and nodded.

 

“Yup, you died and are here with us,” He said and Nagisa’s face paled. Masaru thought he saw tears welling in his eyes, and he rolled his own.

 

Jataro offered him a hand, to which he accepted and stood on shaking legs. He quickly pulled the artist into a tight hug, shocking him for a moment before he’d reciprocated. Masaru scoffed at this.

 

“Nagisa, when did you become such a weenie?” He asked in a scoff, but neither pulled away from each other. In fact, he wasn’t even acknowledged by the prodigy until he was satisfied and stepped away from Jataro. 

 

“I’m not a weenie,” He’d said in a tone Masaru was more than familiar with. It was a comfort, and he grinned at the taller boy. “It’s just, this kind of thing comes with growing up. I don’t expect you to understand.” His smile fell at this, and instead glared over at him. Didn’t he realize that he’d wanted nothing more than to understand? But before he could say anything, Nagisa continued speaking with a soft smile. “But I’m really glad to see you again.” He smiles and walks over to place a hand on his shoulder, looking between the two. “I didn’t think I’d see either of you again… I really did miss you both.”

 

Masaru sighed at the sentimental jabbering but shook his head. “Enough with this stuff, let’s take you home.”

 

He started walking, both Jataro and Nagisa following behind. It was quiet for a while, the redhead still upset with how Nagisa spoke down to him. The blond was the first to break the silence, clinging to Nagisa’s arm. “What was it like being an adult?”

 

Masaru froze, but Nagisa and Jataro continued walking as if they hadn’t uttered a groundbreaking phrase. As if someone could ask something like that casually. As if- “It wasn’t very different than what you experienced. Honestly, I’m beginning to think we may have had adults figured out wrong. It’s not like I became an adult and started causing harm and chaos, so we might have been wrong.”

 

Jataro nodded and shrugged. “You’re most likely right, I mean you always are.” But the athlete couldn’t take this as calmly as the other two. They’d spent so much time despising the adults, how dare they say those demons aren’t as evil!

 

“What are you  _ talking about _ ?! Are you even listening to what you’re saying?!” He stared incredulously at the two, both blinking in shock. “Are you forgetting what they did to us?! How can you forgive them so easily?!”

 

They were stunned for a moment before Nagisa uttered the phrase that made Masaru’s blood boil. “It’s something you learn as you grow up… You wouldn’t understand…” He watched the other’s fists ball, and he stormed over to the two.

 

“Then what am I supposed to do?! I can’t grow up! That’s the point in being dead!” He shouted, and it echoed in the empty streets of their false Towa.

 

“Masaru,” Nagisa started and Masaru stopped just a few inches in front of him, glaring harshly at him. “Growing up… It doesn’t really have to do anything with age. It’s the experiences that shape you. I learned through my time that being an adult might not be a bad thing, but I had to grow up to understand that. Why do you think Jataro is able to understand, even though we died at different ages?” He stayed silent as the other looked at the blond. “It’s because he’s matured. You can do that too, you don’t have to be stuck like this.”

 

He stared at the blue-haired boy for some time, his eyes wide as he tried to comprehend everything he’d just been told. Finally, he looked away to glare at the concrete under his feet. “I can’t do that, okay?! I can’t get that close to being an adult!”

 

He continued to glare at his feet before he felt a gentle grip on his shoulder. His head shot up, and he was met with a warm smile from Nagisa. “I’ll help you. We can move forward together.” The redhead could recall hearing words similar from both Jataro and Nagisa. Words he’d never thought to say himself. Mature, almost adult words.

 

“...Okay.”

 

___

He’s learned a lot, and while he can’t say it quite affects him the way it affected his friends, he feels like he’s still grown. He struggles but he understands a little better why his friends say and do what they do, even if he isn’t completely like them.

 

He’s sometimes still uncomfortable at how close his friends are, and he sometimes can’t understand how they got that way. Like how Jataro would lay his head in Nagisa’s lap, continuing to talk as the prodigy ran his fingers through blond locks.

 

“It’s comforting, I guess,” The artist explained after Masaru had made sure to show his disgust. He looked up at Nagisa and both seemed shocked that it’d come up. “He used to do this when I’d get upset to try and calm me down. It might just be something that stuck.”

 

“Why would you guys do something like that when you’re upset, though?” He said, before quickly adding. “I just want to understand.”

 

“Sometimes, having physical reassurance helps more than just verbal,” Nagisa says, and the athlete nods, but is still making a face of disgust. “It isn’t for everyone, though. Don’t worry.” Even with the explanations, and the reassurance, he still feels the divide between them. There’s just so much he still can’t understand, so much he has to learn from real life experience! But he doesn’t think he can learn that anymore, not with him being dead and all.

 

Sometimes it hurts, not that he would admit it, but he feels left behind when he watches Nagisa and Jataro converse in ways he isn’t familiar with. Fear sinks in at the thought that he’ll never catch up with them, and he’ll be alone like before.

 

“What’s wrong?” The prodigy’s voice snapped him from his worries, and he looked up to where Nagisa was resting.

 

“Pft, nothing! Why would there be anything wrong?” He rolls his eyes before sighing. “Anyways, tell me more about what Towa was like after I was gone! Did you get rid of the other kids? What about Komaru? What happened to her, do you know?”

 

The blue-haired boy hummed, shaking his head. “No, we left the kids alone. But we did talk with Komaru regularly, and she was helping us get on good terms with the Future Foundation.”   
  


“What, why?!” Masaru frowned again. “I thought we didn’t like them!”

 

“Well, we didn’t. But there was only so much we could do without their help.” Jataro looked up at him now, having not known this. “So we stayed in contact with her, and in turn she and Fukawa helped us gain supplies and safety.”

 

“You relied on her after what she did?”

 

“She’s not a bad person. She didn’t try to hurt us out right. She only got in the way of Monaka’s plans,” He said softly, sighing as he did.

 

“There’s so much that I missed,” Masaru moaned, and while it sounded childish, it hurt him. “It’s not fair how much more you got to experience! I wish I’d been around longer!”

 

“Well, it doesn’t really matter anymore. We’re dead, and that’s all in the past,” Jataro chimed in, glancing back to Masaru again. “What will getting upset change?”

 

“That’s easy for you to say! You and Nagisa are on the same page for everything! You understand all these dumb things I don’t!” He shouted. “No matter how hard I try, it can’t replicate the real deal! I won’t be able to understand any of this!” When he didn’t get a response from the two, he sat up a little more. “I get that you’re  _ trying _ and I know- I know I know  _ I know I need to be grateful _ , but how can I when you’re still miles ahead of me! No matter how much you teach me, it doesn’t change what you lived through and what I missed!! You’re- You’re just-” He stumbled on his words as they came closer to being spoken, not even caring how he had the rapt attention of the two in front of him. “You’re just going to leave me behind again to watch!”

 

The silence that followed his rather abrupt statement echoed louder than his booming voice. There were wide eyes on both of the faces sitting opposite of him, agape mouths, but pure silence ringing through them. Maybe he was proud, proud that he’d found something to catch the seemingly know-it-alls off guard. But he couldn’t feel the pride under his bubbling rage, betrayal, and confusion. So much confusion. Because he just couldn’t understand.

 

There are pained glances the two exchange, and Masaru feels even more frustrated. Then, a tone of consession. “You’re right,” The blond said in a plain voice, as though he’d become bored of the statement he’d just uttered. “You didn’t live it, you can’t understand. That’s okay,” He says calmly,  ignoring the way Masaru’s emotions flared hotter than the color of his hair. “I mean, I guess I don’t speak for Nagisa here but I know you’re trying. I also sorta guess I haven’t  _ really _ been trying. But I’ll try harder, if that makes you feel better.”

 

It takes just a moment for the boiling blood to run cold. “Try… harder?”

 

His lavender eyes are boring into him for a quick moment, but he laughs and looks up ahead of him. Masaru still can’t understand why he laughs like that. But his selfish pleasure is Jataro still seems uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact. But now wasn’t the time for him to focus on observations that didn’t matter. The blond was rambling now about something that actually held importance. 

 

“Yeah, to relate to you. You’re trying to understand us, so I’ll try to relate to you. I mean, I guess  _ I  _ don’t really miss being a kid, but I can try to be one again if it’ll help you.” He pauses to sigh, closing his eyes. “We don’t want to leave you behind, honest. It’s just hard to remember you process things differently. But we’ll try. At least, I will.” He stops again, this time longer, but no one breaks the silence. The other two are simply stunned that the blond could say something so seemingly profound, as if he’d been picking up on something they hadn’t for a lot longer. Did he realize Masaru’s discomfort before the redhead had? How could he articulate what he’d said so coherently?

 

Growing up changed a lot, Masaru’s mind screamed over and over.

 

“Oh wow, that really took it out of me. I’m exhausted. Why don’t we go do something else, instead? All this grown-up talk is making my head hurt.”

 

The stunned silence must now be forgotten as Jataro stands and stretches, a lethargic pace to his movement as he trudges along. He doesn’t stop when he realizes the other two stay sitting, rather calling back to them, “Slow pokes get left behind, you know the rules.”

 

Masaru is up to follow him, bolts out of his spot and trails behind him, Nagisa bringing up the back. Jataro walks forward, his arms behind his back as he stares ahead of himself to a sky that’s taken on the colors of an oversaturated sunset.

 

“I don’t really get this landscape, but I like the colors a lot. It kinda makes me think that they didn’t edit the picture right. Is it low on toner?”

 

Masaru’s steps started to slow as he listened to a nonsensical rant from the artist, statements he wasn’t paying any attention to as he traced the sky with an imaginary brush. He was acting like he used to. Was this what he’d meant by trying?

 

“It’s a sky, not a printer. It can’t be low on toner,” Nagisa chided from behind, quickly picking up alongside Masaru and offering the athlete a lopsided smile before facing forward once more. All he could do was stare at the other, bewildered. As if it’d been that easy. That they were so willing to try and help him.

 

Is this what growing up does? He wasn’t sure. It was uneasy still, he wasn’t sure he liked it all that much. But he didn’t feel alone anymore, even with the metaphorical age difference.

 

His thoughts were shaken as the blond called behind to them. “Hey guys, someone’s here!” He stops where he is to let the others catch up to him, his back still facing them. “Let’s have Masaru wake her up. He knows what to do here, that way he can show her what to do!”

 

“Right,” Nagisa agrees and either on both sides of Masaru. “That’s what the leader does, right?”

 

He pulls a brave face, bites down all those hot and cold feelings that have been eating him alive since nearly his second day, and trudges forward. With a booming voice, one he hopes has the two behind him cringing, he calls.

 

"Hey Kotoko, wake up already!"


End file.
